How to Stay Dry in A Monsoon

At the moment, Jakarta is in the midst of its rainy season. For those of you who have never experienced rain in SE Asia, it generally comes in large quantities over a short period of time. All day long light rain is not the norm, it is massive downpours that will soak an individual to the bone in seconds.

The rain can cause paralysis as it is virtually impossible to walk, or sometimes even drive in. Most people will tend to remain where they are when a storm comes. However, this is not always avoidable, especially when riding a motorbike.

Those of us who ride motorbikes usually have rain gear stashed under the seat for such an occasion. Some Indonesians prefer to hide under a bridge or overpass, I prefer to don the rain suit and giv'er. Finding the proper rain suit has been a bit of a difficult task for me as of late as I kept managing to get wet in one way or another, here is how I found the ultimate solution....

Years ago, an old girlfriend of mine had a bright pink poncho that she never wore. I used it in a pinch one day and found that it worked quite well. The down side of a poncho is that it doesn't really keep you dry from the knee down and it flaps around in the wind. This flapping around can be quite dangerous if it latches onto something as you will be pulled off your bike. Sensing the danger and wishing to have dry calves, I decided to try something new: the 2 piece rain suit.

This 2 piece type of suit had always worked well whenever I went hiking back home so I thought why the hell not. I bought a relatively cheap suit on the side of the road and it seemed to do the trick. It managed to keep 98% of my body (minus my feet) dry. The downside of this was the 2% that did get wet.... Sitting on a bike, a puddle tends to form in the crotch area and eventually seeps through the seams in the pants. This results in what I refer to as a "wet basement". This is not a pleasant experience. I often would show up to work being totally dry except for the lower crotch area. Not comfortable or aesthetic. The other downside of a 2 piece suit is that it does not keep your backpack dry. I always have my laptop in my backpack which means it is essential to keep it dry.

Feeling defeated, I decided to take it up a notch and purchase a more expensive heavy duty rain suit from one of my favorite stores: Ace Hardware (http://jakarta-grind.blogspot.com/2010/08/ace-in-hole.html). This getup would not be complete without buying a rain cover for my backpack. This was surprisingly cheap and easy to find. Now there was no stopping me, I would be dry and comfortable and safe. Not so much. I was all of these things for a couple of wet bike trips. Then, when it rained heavily one day, I realized that the backpack cover allowed for water to fall down my back and seep into my backpack, right in the area where my laptop sits. I then realized that with a little rigging, I could tie my backpack rain cover in a way that water would not seep inside.

Then, something completely unexpected happened. The fake leather on my bike seat started to rip, exposing the inner foam. The problem with this was that every time it rained, the foam would get wet (and stay wet for days) which would in turn leave me with a wet basement every time I used my bike. After a slow and painful search to get my seat cover replaced, I realized that there was a place that could do it across the street from my office. It cost Rp. 35 000 ($4) and took 10 minutes. Now, rain or shine, nothing could stop me! Not so much.....

A few days later, I ended up having to drive in the rain for 30 minutes as I was far away from home. Turns out that my expensive "waterproof" rain suit wasn't so waterproof. By the time I got home, I was completely soaked, my jacked leaked badly around my shoulders and I had a wet basement of epic proportions. Upon further inspection, I found that my jacked had ripped under the shoulder, leaving my torso completely exposed. Dejected, I went back to the drawing board.

A few days later on my lunch break, I stumbled across a bike accessory shop that sold mostly helmets and rain gear. I managed to find a cheap poncho that was also gigantic. It was so big, that I could tuck it under my butt and avoid the flapping in the wind, not to mention keep my backpack dry. This combined with the pants that came with my "expensive" rain suit turned out to be perfect. The front of the poncho covers the crotch area and prevents basements from getting wet while the pants keep my calves and ankles dry. Now I am completely waterproof (except for my feet). Turns out, as often happens in Jakarta, I took the long way around to the easy solution. The answers were right in front of me the whole time, not to mention right outside the door of my office.

No more wet basements makes for a happy blogger.

Selamat Jalan

Eat A Bowl of Shit

Yesterday, after doing some vigorous cleaning around the house, I decided that I would go for a well deserved massage. A friend had recently recommended a new place that is pretty close to my house. I got on my motorbike and made my way to the massage place, which is less than 5 minutes away from my house, or so I thought. My ride turned into an absolute nightmare that resulted in me having to eat the biggest bowl of shit ever. Here is how it unfolded....

I was driving through a complex that is a pretty slow and casual place to be driving. I go through this area regularly, almost on a daily basis. As I was coming up to a left turn (bear in mind that you drive on the LEFT in Indonesia) a bike coming in the opposite direction came flying around the corner driving not on the left but the right side of the road. To put this in perspective, this driver was making a RIGHT turn while driving on the RIGHT side of the road. Try to visualize this if you can, it is pretty much the most reckless and ridiculous thing one can do. In a panic, as the bike was about to hit me, I honked my horn. As he swerved around me, I kind of threw my hands in the air as to say (without actually speaking, this is important) "what in the world are you thinking?"

That was the end of that, or so I thought. I continued down the road and the driver of the other bike turned around and pulled up next to me and started asking what my problem was. I replied that I had no problem only that he should consider driving on the LEFT side of the road. He demanded I pull over, this seemed ridiculous to me so I kept on going. As we hit the end of the street, he veered left and I continued right. He started screaming, turned around again, pulled up beside me and started demanding that we go to the police office. I kind of laughed and just kept driving. He then jackknifed his bike in front of mine, forcing me to stop. This road is relatively slow one that is filled with houses on both sides. I expected a crowd to form immediately, it didn`t.

The man was somewhat older and extremely enraged. The whole conversation took place in Bahasa Indonesia but I will write in English only to save time.

Him: "You verbally insulted me, why did you do that"

Me: "I honked my horn so you wouldn't hit me when you were coming around the corner, there was no verbal insult."

Him: "I didn't hit you so what is your problem, why did you insult me? What country are you from?"

Me: "What does it matter what country I'm from? The only reason you didn't hit me was because I honked my horn, how is that an insult?"

Him: "I'm 50 years old, you can't speak to me like that!!"

Me: "Does that give you the right to drive on the WRONG side of the road????"

Him: "I demand we go to the police station, come with me to the police station now!!!"

Me: "You want to go to the police station, seriously? What are you going to tell them, that you were recklessly driving on the WRONG side of the road and almost caused an accident?"

Him: "POLICE STATION NOW!!!! YOU INSULTED ME!!!"

Me: "No, I'm not going to the police station, I didn't insult you but I will apologize if that's what you want."

Him: "Do you know who I am? police station now!!!"

He then proceeded to reach over and grab my keys out of my ignition. I grabbed his wrist and twisted and pulled his hand as hard as I could until he dropped my keys. I pulled him so hard that he kind of fell over onto my bike and knocked it over. Usually when there is any kind of incident like this in Indonesia, a crowd forms instantly. I wanted this to happen so that I could get out of this situation as this man seemed to be absolutely insane. As he fell over onto my bike, I grabbed my keys and told him to back off. At this point, no crowd had formed yet. I started thinking that he was going to come at me again and that I was going to have to fight my way out of this situation. I haven't been in a fight or even so much as thrown a punch at anybody in the last 25 years but, if he was going to come at me again, I felt I would have no choice but to hit him.

A minute later, a group of men came over to see what all the fuss was about. I was extremely relieved as I did not want to have a physical altercation. Alright, I thought, they'll sort this situation out and tell this guy to get lost and leave me alone. One of the guys was the head security guy for the housing complex. These guys are usually the local complex "police" and nobody dares to mess with them. I started telling the security guy how he chased me and tried to take my keys. They asked that we go over to their booth 100 meters away. I agreed and went over there. I continued to tell my story to the security guy while the guy from the other bike kept shouting "Police station NOW, you are insulting!" I started to notice the body language of the security guy and his friends. They were a little afraid of this man from the bike and wouldn't tell him to stop shouting or to leave me alone.

Eventually, the security guy convinced me to come speak with him in a little food stall behind his booth.

Security: "I believe everything you say and that you did not insult him but only honked your horn but you need to understand that this man belongs to an important organization and has very powerful friends. We have no choice but to do what he says or I will have big problems."

Me: "Sir, I don't want to go to the police station, they will just make me pay money or try to take my bike away. I did NOT insult this man, this whole situation is ridiculous to me, I just want to go home."

Security: "The only way to make him happy is to give him money, I don't like this man very much but I have no choice but to do what he says or I will be in big trouble, sorry sir."

Me: "So he drives like a maniac and then chases me and tries to take my keys and I have to give him money? This does not seem very fair to me, especially since I didn't do anything wrong."

Security: "I agree with you, sir but your choices are to either give him some money or call the police and have them come here." (I knew right then and there that I would probably be forced to give the police even more money, not to mention that they were probably friends of this other guy)

Me: "OK fine, how much should I give him? is 100 thousand ($9) enough?" (By the way the driver was dressed, I could tell that he had money, he did not care about the amount of money but merely wanted to show me how important he was and rub my face in it)

Security "Sir, that should be OK, people only give me 25 thousand ($2.75) when I ask for money, let me go talk to him, wait here`

Security `Sorry sir but he says that you must give another 50 thousand ($4.50) or we have to call the police`

Me: `That`s not fair, sir but I will pay it` (paying the police off would have cost me a LOT more)

Security: `Sir, he has agreed not to call the police, you can go now. I`m sorry, sir, please don`t think we are bad people who hate westerners `

Me: `OK, thank you sir, I don`t think that way, I only think that other man is crazy`

Security: `Me too, sir`

I then went outside and the other driver who was previously in a rage had completely calmed down. I said nothing to him as I walked back to my bike. He mentioned something about learning some manners. Knowing when I am defeated, I gave him an evil scowl, got on my bike and went to the massage place.

After having time to reflect on this situation, the bad taste in my mouth still lingers. I don`t feel that I did anything wrong and, even had I insulted this man, did not deserve to be treated this way. This was a reminder for me of how corrupt and ridiculous a country this is and how some `elite`people can do whatever they want whenever they want. It was absolutely shocking to see the security guy cower in front of this so called important man. They are usually pretty much at the top of the food chain and are feared by most.

I would like to point out that this is one of the worst incidences I have ever been involved with and that the vast majority of Indonesian people here, even rich corrupt ones, usually treat others with respect and deal with things in a civilized manner.

I have been daydreaming and hoping that by some strange twist of fate this man one day needs something from me. I would make him publicly kiss my hand and admit that he is evil and corrupt. Doubt that will ever happen but one can always dream.

Bylaws Will be Bylaws

In Jakarta, abiding by the law basically means that you can break the rules if there isn't a policeman in sight. Nowhere is this lawlessness more obvious than on the roads. You can observe a traffic violation every couple of seconds by simply standing on a street corner. Oddly, the police appear to spend more time directing traffic than they do actually fighting crime. They even have kiosks set up at major intersections. During peak rush hour (which is more like a crawl), police direct traffic at said major intersections. Their main purpose is to ensure that vehicles of all shape and size actually STOP when the light turns red and don't GO until the light turns green. Hard to believe but true. The cops have finally had enough. They are planing on leaving the comfort of their kiosks to do something about it.

For 20-ish days, the police are clamping down on traffic violations, especially those committed by motorbikes and buses. Some of these violations include not wearing an approved Indonesian safety standard helmet, driving the wrong way down the street, motorbikes not having headlights on in the daytime and buses stopping in places where they shouldn't. They plan on issuing fines for these violations. If they do actually fine every one of these infractions, they will be rich as dozens of these infractions occur every minute.

What I find odd isn't that they are fining people for blatantly obvious violations but that they are actually letting people know that they are doing this. So much for the element of surprise. I'd like to personally thank the Jakarta Police for notifying all media outlets of their intentions. In all fairness, it is good that the poor and underprivileged have fair warning so that they can avoid fines. But why would they actually make it a point of telling people that it is only going to be for 20 days? Wouldn't it be wiser to say that they are going to run this crusade indefinitely? Thanks to their warnings, I have started driving with my headlight on during the day and temporarily stopped making illegal u-turns. Dare I say that this clampdown really has no teeth and is nothing much more than a money making scheme?

I'm assuming that after the 20 day crackdown, things will gradually go back to normal and that people will carry on with their bad road etiquette. I'm all for making people wear helmets that actually provide protection but I just don't see this happening. Recently, there are a lot more child size helmets for sale. I won't bother going off on a rant about the irony of dad wearing a helmet and the kids not. I commend the police on making an effort to protect people from themselves but maybe 20 days just isn't enough.

One more thing, without getting into details, I was once detained for not having my passport on me. At one point of my detention, the police put my friends and I in the National Drug Headquarters "war room". There on the bulletin board in plain sight was a map of Jakarta with push pins and strings leading to cards that detailed where and when they planned on doing drug and/or immigration raids. Not one of (ahem) Jakarta's finest sitting in the room with us seemed to mind that we were essentially reading their secrets. Had any of us known any drug dealers etc, we could have been able to tell them exactly when and where they were coming. I can't help but repeat myself: so much for the element of surprise!

You can read more about the clampdown here:

http://www.thejakartaglobe.com/city/police-launch-crackdown-on-traffic-safety-violations/368916

All you motorcyclists out there remember to turn your light on in the daytime for the next week or so....